#65: Relationships as a Path to Self Discovery: Attachment Styles, Tools & Practices

Relationships can be the dojo, the temple and the sacred crucible for deeply satisfying transformation & self knowing if we learn to work with them from this lens. In this fascinating interview conversation, discussed is how to integrate relationship connection tools into one’s life and spirituality. Also unpacked is “attachment theory”, the concepts of emotional intimacy, vulnerability and boundaries, plus other concrete ways to experience all of your relationships as opportunities to see yourself and your patterns in ways you wouldn’t otherwise. 

Show Notes:

Relationships are a profound spiritual journey to self-revelation.

Relationship radiates out to one-on-one in the way of all of our loved ones including relationship with self and with the divine too. So the term implies a lot of things, not just romance.

A Modern Mystic has the ability to see what lies underneath or deeper than we realize, not apart from every day but woven into modern day life. Life is a gift, challenge and game to go into the depths of the unseen. There is actually no dichotomy between spiritual and day-to-day.

Spiritual bypassing can be happening as an avoidance of interacting in relationships i.e. I don’t wanna deal with this so I’m just going to do practice. 

How can we learn the tools of relationship and connection and integrate them into day-to-day life? Relationship is an opportunity to see ourselves more deeply with the opportunity that loved ones can bring up within us. 

Ask Self when triggered in any relationship, how is this an opportunity? 

Unpacked are:

✨The terms of emotional intimacy, vulnerability & boundaries and ways we can integrate them to support ourselves and others in relationship.

✨Ways to mindfully go into emotions and then hold them. 

✨Attachment science & styles, and how our partners can be an oracle. 

✨How boundaries are life giving & ideally are fluid. 

✨How to energetically walk away from someone.

✨Why conflict is good and necessary.

✨How one’s relationship with self and interior life is foundational for all other relationships. 

Like a garden, we need to create perimeters/boundaries, certain shade and sometimes even you have to change boundaries which ideally are fluid and dynamic.

For some people it feels like a LOT of work but it makes our connection richer. You notice the flavors, the depth and connection becomes that much more spectacular and nuanced. 

Be exploratory and experimentally.

How we dance in partnership with space away from each other is so key. 

When our nervous system gets triggered, so often you can trace it back to an attachment style issue. It’s a lens.

The goal is to have ways in which to move towards a secure relationship meaning we feel safe able to be who we are separate from our partner and then to come back together resulting in our stuff not coming up so strongly.

Theme to think about when contemplating relationships: oneness vs. individuality; separate and connected as a way for the ecosystem of a relationship. Contemplate ways to move from co- dependence and into inter-dependence. Carve out sacred time for me to be with them and then sacred when we come back together. 

Fear can come up within couples, what if my partner changes and/or I change? What does it look like if we go and change? Can be confronting! 

Tips are offered to water seeds of relationships.The reminder to zoom out & to zoom in. 

This conversation ends with a moving and powerful relational meditation.

Guest: Damodar Cordua

empoweredconnection.me

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